


We're Just Friends (But I Wish We Weren't)

by ShirosMissingBicep



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends With Benefits, Happy Ending, M/M, Male Terms Used For Keith's Junk, Oral Sex, Pain, Trans Male Keith (Voltron), Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-12 00:18:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15983570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShirosMissingBicep/pseuds/ShirosMissingBicep
Summary: “Yeah, because--...” Shiro cut himself off, frowning hard. “You always leave. You never stay the night, or let me clean you up, or anything, and I feel like- like I’m using you, or something.”“You are,” Keith said, shrugging as if he wasn’t hurting just as much. As if he wasn’t feeling nauseous and sick. “And I’m using you, too. We’re just… having sex, Shiro."





	We're Just Friends (But I Wish We Weren't)

**Author's Note:**

> hi yeah i wanted to hurt but also write porn and since i'm incapable of sand endings, it ends good.
> 
> Here's a song that inspired me lots. 
> 
>  
> 
> [The Other - Lauv](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfDoQtOIUKw)

The fabric of Shiro’s blue Yale hoodie was soft and thick in Keith’s fists, the sound of note sheets crumpling beneath them and a pen digging into his lower back. He felt… typical, claiming that he was just going to study when Pidge asked just where he was going at midnight. She always did, a shit-eating grin on her lips and her voice pitched with a teasing tone.   
  
“ _I can’t sleep, so I’m gonna go over these notes with Shiro_ .” He had said. Pidge accepted that, but there was a knowing look in her eyes that made Keith want to vomit. “ _We’re just friends, Pidge._ ”   
  
“ _That’s not what your neck and the sex afterglow say_ .”   
  
He had ignored that, and he hadn’t been lying. They _were_ just friends, despite how much the thought hurt. Through the stab of it, he kissed Shiro harder, a hand moving up to the back of his head to pull him closer on the hand-me-down couch filling the studio apartment.   
  
Lips trailed over his jaw, then his neck. Fuck. His hips rocked up to meet the thigh pressed between them, and a moan fell from his lips. Thinking was too hard, and he couldn’t breathe, but it was _good_ .   
  
“Baby,” Shiro murmured, voice quiet and low with arousal, making Keith’s breath come out in a shudder. _As if_ , he thought. _I’m not your ‘baby’_ . “Don’t you think we should move this elsewhere?”   
  
_No_ , Keith thought, but his body betrayed him as he nodded. “Yeah. Your pen is stabbing me in the back.”   
  
Shiro laughed at that and pulled away, standing from the couch. His laugh was perfect, like the rest of him, all dark hair, dark eyes, and sharp features that Keith would happily cut himself on if it meant more of this. More of Shiro’s laughing, and kisses, and warmth pressed against him.   
  
_Unrealistic expectations_ , Keith hummed silently to himself as Shiro guided him through the familiar space to his bedroom and shut the door behind them. Lips were on his again quickly as they stumbled back against the bed, and it felt right for how Keith’s heart was lurching in his chest. It felt like he was about to fall, though he already had in one way or another, but Shiro caught him, lifting him by his thighs until he was pressed down into the bed.   
  
Keith’s hand was quick to find its way down Shiro’s clothed body and pressing into his sweatpants, making a pleased noise in the back of his throat as he cupped the boxer-covered bulge. Shiro gasped against him and rolled forward into Keith’s grasp, sucking at his neck and nipping at the lobe of his ear.   
  
“Feels good, Keith,” Shiro breathed, Keith’s name tumbling from his lips and though it was familiar, it still left Keith’s cheeks filling with heat and his boxers growing wet with his want. “C’mon, baby, let me suck you off.”   
  
“ _Shit_ ,” Keith hissed, retracting his hand and scooting up on the bed until Shiro’s face was directly over Keith’s crotch. “Yeah, okay.”   
  
Shiro was quick to react, pushing his nose into the clothed warmth as his hands pulled at Keith’s jeans, yanking hastily at the button and tugging the zipper down. Keith’s hand moved to tangle in the dark hair atop Shiro’s head, lifting his hips to let him tag the jeans off and toss the away. One of Keith’s legs moved to rest along Shiro’s back, watching and gasping as he cupped Keith and palmed slowly, smirking up at him.   
  
Keith’s thoughts descended into not caring about how much it hurt to know that Shiro just wanted sex and friendship. He didn’t care, because if this is all he got, a taste of that desire in the form of being laid out beneath Shiro (sometimes Shiro was laid out under him, he supposed), it would be okay, and he could continue being friends without doing anything particularly stupid that would ruin everything.   
  
When Shiro’s fingers dipped below his boxer’s hemline, he shuddered and let out a sigh as he relaxed his muscles. Fingers dipping into the hair, past it into the wetness that lay there making him roll his hips up into the touch.   
  
“Stop teasing,” Keith breathed, pushing himself up on one elbow to see better as the other continued to slide through Shiro’s hair. Shiro fixed him with a flat look, kissing the lowest part of his stomach, the hand not in his pants pushing his shirt up until the bottom of his binder was in view.   
  
“Don’t you need to take this off?” Shiro mumbled against his skin, nosing at the dark trail of hair below his navel. “Don’t want you to be in pain tomorrow.”   
  
And it was too much. Too caring, too gentle as his fingers trailed along his ribs. Keith just frowned, shaking his head. Besides, the thought of having it off right now just made his skin crawl. “I’m fine. Had it off for a few hours before I came over here.”   
  
Shiro accepted that, nodding as he finally pulled Keith’s boxers off and threw them off in a random direction. He looked at Keith with heated eyes, steel toned and hot as thick fingers ran over his cock, then down to gather some of the wetness already building up, and back to his cock. Keith shivered, the hand under him gripping the sheets tight as he let out a shaky breath.   
  
“Shiro, c’mon,” Keith muttered, biting his lip and glaring when Shiro ignored him, instead beginning rub over Keith’s most sensitive points. It felt _good_ . It felt perfect, even, despite the fact that Keith really just wanted Shiro’s mouth on him as soon as possible. Shiro looked up at him again, the look on his face devilish and playful. Keith frowned, moving the leg over Shiro’s back and hooking it behind his head as he tugged on his hair, trying to pull him in.   
  
“Well, you are very eager tonight, aren’t you?” Shiro chuckled, reaching up with the hand not toying with Keith’s dick and grabbing his ankle, pulling it away and kissing at his inner thigh. “You know you just have to say one little word to make it happen.”   
  
Keith hissed low, hips rocking up as he dropped his head back, hanging between his shoulders as he moaned. “ _Please_ .”   
  
“Good boy,” Shiro praised, and Keith felt himself clench at the words, then clenching again when his felt Shiro’s thumbs spread his lips and duck down to wrap his lips around his cock. A low noise left him as he tasted Keith, and Keith couldn’t stop the whimper that fell from his throat, rolling into the warm, wet heat pressing against him.   
  
“S-Shiro…” He gasped, tugging at the blanket that was once unwrinkled on the made bed, now straining as Keith pulled at the fabric. “Fuck.”

Keith felt one of Shiro’s fingers slide down and rub over his entrance, eyes meeting his own in question, and Keith nodded. It was okay, and it hurt to know that Shiro understood that sometimes he couldn’t handle that. Sometimes it made him uncomfortable, and Shiro _asked_ every time. It hurt that Shiro seemed to always care so much, but Keith _knew_ that it was platonic, and that he couldn’t risk asking for more. His thoughts ended as Shiro pressed his finger inside, Keith letting out a low groan at the thick digit sliding inside of him.   
  
“God, fuck, yes,” Keith cursed, nails scratching at Shiro’s scalp as he rocked into the pleasuring touch. Shiro’s jaws shifted, hard suction against his cock making his breath hitch in his throat, legs spreading instinctually as his toes curled.   
  
“You really want it today, don’t you?” Shiro said, pulling back to lick his lips, shining wetness on his lips and chin catching Keith’s attention despite his need for Shiro to just _keep going_ .   
  
“Yes. Yes, please, Shiro,” Keith pleaded, because he did. He needed to be distracted from the thoughts that had kept him up all night, thoughts of Shiro, the man between his legs now. Thoughts of what could be, and what Keith wanted, and how it would never happen. How Shiro was just on the rebound, and that why this had happened in the first place. All because Keith wanted to be a good friend, and comfort Shiro, and ended up kissing him instead. Ended up riding his cock most of the night instead.   
  
He forced every thought away when Shiro continued, a second finger pressing inside, then a third, curling up into that sensitive spot and leaving Keith’s head spinning as he moaned and arched up into the touch. He was left shaking, coming hard around Shiro’s fingers and against his mouth, wetness pouring from his core until there was a puddle below his hips.   
  
“ _Fuck_ ,” Keith gasped, Shiro finally pulling away and slowly sliding his fingers out of Keith. His legs shook and cramped from how hard his curled his toes, the muscles exhausted as he struggled to catch his breath. “ _Fuck_ .”   
  
Shiro lips pressed against his stomach, below his ribs, chin, then his lips, Keith tasting himself on his lips. Keith’s hand resting against the back of his head, savoring the gentle moment, committing it to memory because he was hopelessly in love and there was nothing he could do about it. Shiro was so out of his league it hurt, the top of his class, student council, track star who went to Yale on a full ride scholarship while Keith worked his ass off for every moment he spent there.   
  
Shiro was so much more than Keith deserved, even just as a friend. He was lucky to get what he did. Constant access to sex with a hot, good guy, while also having an amazing friend…   
  
Keith couldn’t bring himself to risk losing what he did have.   
  
“You wanna spend the night?” Shiro asked, absentmindedly kissing Keith’s jaw and neck.   
  
“No. I should -- I should go.” Keith said, and Shiro stilled against him for a moment before placing one last kiss against his neck and pulling away with a smile that Keith could tell wasn’t genuine. He didn’t think about it, though. Thinking about it was dangerous, and the hurt look on Shiro’s face only made it worse.   
  
“Alright,” Shiro nodded, getting off of him and reaching into the bedside table for wipes, handing them to Keith.   
  
“You don’t want me to..?” Keith asked, gesturing to the obvious bulge in Shiro’s sweats. Had he done something wrong? Was Shiro upset? He felt panic, bile rising in his throat. He’d hurt Shiro. He hid it, pushing it down as he sat up and used the offered wipes to clean himself up.   
  
“No. It was obvious you were upset. I’m not really in the mood tonight.” Shiro shook his head, grabbing Keith’s clothes, folding them up and setting them next to Keith atop the balled up blanket. Keith frowned, glancing at Shiro and seeing the sad look on his face.   
  
“What got you so…” Keith started, but thought better of it, shaking his head. “Nevermind. Not my business.”   
  
Shiro watching him get dressed, seemingly trying to hide the fact that he was frowning and doing a piss poor job of it. Keith didn’t ask, though, because he didn’t want to hear the answer, fearing the worst. Shiro always looked like this, after. Sad. Upset.   
  
Regretful.   
  
Shiro regretted… this. And Keith feared that someday, Shiro would grow to resent him. That maybe he already did. Keith gulped, looking at the floor as he zipped and buttoned his jeans.

“Maybe, uh…” Keith started, heart pounding, aching, hurting in his chest. The faded gray carpet beneath him being the only thing he could look at as he fought to keep his voice stable and steady. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this anymore.”

“What?” Shiro asked, as if that was the last thing he expected Keith to say. “Why?”

“You,” Keith replied, finally looking up and seeing the shocked, hurt expression pinching Shiro’s face. He looked horrible, and it only made it harder. “Every single time we do this, you look like I’ve just ruined your day.”

“Yeah, because--...” Shiro cut himself off, frowning hard. “You always leave. You never stay the night, or let me clean you up, or anything, and I feel like- like I’m using you, or something.”

“You are,” Keith said, shrugging as if he wasn’t hurting just as much. As if he wasn’t feeling nauseous and sick. “And I’m using you, too. We’re just… having sex, Shiro. But if it’s hurting you, I don’t want to keep--”  
  
“I don’t _want_ to just _have sex_ with you, Keith!” Shiro cried, stunning Keith. He never raised his voice. He’d only heard it once when they first met, years ago, and it completely shocked Keith. The words, he didn’t process them until Shiro was looking at him with that same expression, but so much worse. As if he’d just said the worst thing possible.   
  
“You… You don’t?” Keith said, a glimmer of hope that he snuffed out. Expectations never got anyone anywhere. He couldn’t handle heartbreak all over again. “What does that even mean, Shiro?”   
  
“I’m…” Shiro tried, swallowing so hard that Keith could see his throat shift in the light from his lamp and window. “I’ve been in love with you for years, Keith. And I _know_ you don’t feel the same, and that’s ok--”   
  
“Wait, wait, wait, _what_ ?” Keith hissed, looking at Shiro wide-eyed. This couldn’t be real, Keith didn’t _deserve_ Shiro, why would he even love him? That doesn’t… It doesn’t make sense. There’s no _way_.

But it was happening, wasn’t it? Shiro wouldn’t lie about this. Not this, not to Keith. It was… Keith didn’t have any words to say, or to think, or the want to listen to anymore of Shiro’s sad voice because that just made his chest grow tight.

“It’s okay, Keith. I don’t expect you to…” Shiro continued, looking sad, and hurt, and Keith’s legs move on their own accord, grabbing that stupid blue Yale hoodie and tugging him down to connect their lips. He kissed Shiro fiercely, the way he’d always wanted to and told himself he never could. Shiro seemed frozen with shock, but eventually reacted at a shaky breath falling between them as his hands fell on Keith’s hips, moving to warp around his waist and pull him close. Keith felt the sting of tears, but forced them back. Crying during a kiss was ugly, and he wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t ruin this moment for anything because Shiro’s guiding him into a soft and pliant kiss and Keith can’t _breathe_.

“I thought you were with me because you missed your ex,” Keith breathed when they broke for a moment. “Because we knew each other, and we’re close friends, it was easier. You didn’t need to worry about anything but the sex, and we could just not have strings attached. I’m so sorry for being so stupid.”

“Oh, _Keith_ .” Shiro whispered, sounding ruined and his voice wavered. “I would never do something like that to you. I would never just… I never want you to think I just want you for sex, or for… anything. I want _you_ . All of you. _I’m_ sorry for ever making you feel like you couldn’t be genuine with me, or like you couldn’t do anything but be… a-a rebound or, anything like that.”   
  
Keith couldn’t stop the tears anymore as his moved his arms to throw them around Shiro neck, burying his face in Shiro’s shoulder as he hugged him tight. They stayed like that a long time, and Keith eventually stopped crying, eventually pulled back to kiss Shiro again and felt stupid that he had never noticed the way his lips worked against Keith’s so lovingly, so gentle, yet firm and filled to the brim with something Keith couldn’t find anywhere else.   
  
“So…” Shiro said, smiling a little as their foreheads rested against one another. “Does this mean you’ll spend the night?”

Keith laughed softly, nodding and sliding his hand against the shortest part of Shiro’s hair. “Yes. Yes, I’ll spend the night with you.”

It was one of the best nights Keith had ever had.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!


End file.
